Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
