Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
