you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize