I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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