well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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