I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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