so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize