Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize