I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
