I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
