and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
