i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
