I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
