He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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