I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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