Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
