God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Bring me that man meat
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
