Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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