Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
