i would punch a child for taco bell
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
What a dumb baby whore.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
