Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
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