tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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