You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
