I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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