Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
