i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
