i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I just found puke in my bra..
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize