Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
