I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
