Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
