He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
