dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
