I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Randomize
