I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
