she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
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