I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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