so let's talk penis.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
