At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
