Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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