i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
