I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
two words...techno handjob
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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