If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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