the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
