yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
