Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
