i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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