I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
