I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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