OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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