Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I cannot find my penis.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
