On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
