I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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