i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
