That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize