At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
