Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
