after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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