Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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