uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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