i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
