My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
please come you make the beer taste better
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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