Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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