Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize