So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
