i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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