I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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