How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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