so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
