its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
